I’ve always been a little different from my peers. I was by all accounts, an odd duck. I learned to read on my own at four, I can’t sit and watch a tv show without doing something else, and sometimes I’d doodle instead of taking notes but I could still recall the information while looking at the drawing. I was a bright student, but never seemed to harness it into the excellent grades my teachers thought I should have.
I didn’t realize what was going on until social media diagnosed me. It fed me short video after video from neurodivergent creators talking about their experiences with autism and ADHD and I found myself in their lived experiences.
Turns out, getting a diagnosis of Autism or ADHD as an adult is a little like coming out as LGBT. First, you find out what everyone else already knows about you, and then you tell your parents (or doctor). I ended up getting diagnosed with ADHD by a psychiatrist while in the middle of a serious mental health crisis caused by a toxic work environment and the toll of constantly masking for the last 30-some odd years.
It took some getting used to, despite the TikTok/Instagram/YouTube/Facebook algorithm shouting it in my face, but suddenly things made sense. My struggles with getting tasks done, even while I berated myself for being a lazy, unmotivated, terrible human who would never amount to anything, was a symptom of the lifelong executive dysfunction I struggle with.
Executive Dysfunction is a common experience among neurodivergent people, and we struggle with all aspects of getting things done. This is frustrating and leads to a lot of self-doubt and criticism.
What is Executive Dysfunction?
Executive dysfunction can take on many forms, like hyperfocusing on one task and losing track of time, being so overwhelmed with a task that you don’t know where to begin, getting easily distracted during a boring or stressful task, or ignoring an important task in favor of something new and shiny. It shows up in an explosion of chaos on flat surfaces, forgotten bills, and that shiny new planner that will be The One until it inevitably ends up in the planner graveyard like all the others before it. It can be debilitating, impacting your ability to make concrete plans or just simply do the day-to-day tasks that everyone seems to have a handle on except you. It gets tied up in cycles of shame that leave you further paralyzed.
But life doesn’t stop just because we can’t seem to get out of our heads and do the work we need to do. Bosses don’t accept it as an excuse when the task or project isn’t done on time, nor does the electric company take off late fees when you haven’t paid. Friends and family may still be hurt if you don’t respond to their texts or calls, and that doom pile hasn’t cleaned itself. (How rude) It’s hard to know where to begin, and without a solid plan, I stall and end up doing something easier, like amigurumi, leaving the pile to get worse and more overwhelming. Part of living with any chronic condition is learning how to manage symptoms and restructuring your life in a way that makes sense for you.
“This one crazy hack…” hits home, but is it any good?
Social media can be a wealth of information. Creators like Jessica McCabe or Rich and Rox offer tricks and tips to help make life easier. As more adults learn about their own neurodivergence, we’ve seen an explosion of content, and not all of it is good.
Great content creators who talk about their struggles and how they find solutions to their problems can help spark our amazing, creative, neurodivergent brains into high gear and look for creative and innovative solutions. I like actionable instructions, but following strategies as I see them in videos or articles doesn’t always work for me. As the saying goes, “If you’ve met one neurodivergent person, you’ve met one neurodivergent person.” Finding what will work for you is as unique as your own strengths and weaknesses. This is a place to let your creativity shine! There are a few common themes from online creators, and it’s a great place to start when you don’t know where to turn.
Write it down
“I’ll remember later” is a lie I tell myself all the time. I have the working memory of a geriatric goldfish and I keep forgetting that I forget. It’s a vicious cycle. If it’s important, make sure to write it down somewhere where you will see it… on your phone, a sticky note on the bathroom mirror, someplace where it will be there for you. Setting up reminders through your smart speaker can also help keep you on track when you need to get started if you’re the sort to lose notes. I ask my smart speaker to remind me of appointments I have and start times for certain projects to keep me on track. It’s so helpful to have a virtual assistant so I know when it’s time to get something important done. This is especially helpful with my time blindness, which creeps up on me at 4 AM when I realize I should have been in bed a few hours ago.
External cues are a vital coping strategy for people with ADHD. Time blindness sneaks up on us, and without something to take us out of our hyperfocused state, we can easily lose hours to a more engaging but less productive task, leaving us less time to do the things we actually have to get done. Having a reminder on paper, through a smart speaker, or our phones help to remind us of what’s really important.
Break it down
I wish I had the ability to clean without getting paralyzed by the enormity of the task. Do I have gloves, because sticky is a no-no texture that gets me off track because it needs to be fixed now? Where’s the mop, broom, and vacuum? Do I have the right cleaning spray? More importantly, where do I begin? Should I gather all the dishes and put them into the dishwasher or should I declutter the countertops before I think about tackling the dishes? Or should I think about all I need to do and shut down, leaving the mess to loom in the background, silently accusing me of all of my mistakes, including the time I got lost on a field trip in the third grade?
Instead of spiraling into inaction, I like to take big tasks and break them into smaller chunks. If I’m not sure where to begin, websites and apps like Goblin Tools do the work for me. Generative AI can be really useful here, too. Outsourcing the mental load of breaking down goals also helps with the task paralysis of dealing with your task paralysis. It’s an ouroboros of guilt that we don’t have to indulge in.
Breaking things down like this, or chunking, is a widely recognized productivity tool that helps neurodivergent people by breaking down overwhelming chores and projects into easier and smaller tasks. As we mark the little things off, it helps us become more confident in achieving our goals with lots of little wins. This leads to a greater sense of accomplishment, making the next small task seem more achievable. Even if the entire task doesn’t get done, we are closer to the big goal, leaving us with a sense of accomplishment and that oh so important dopamine hit to keep us going. Some like the physical act of scratching off the item on their to-do list, while I personally like the jingle of rainbow coins in a task app. What matters is that you get a small sense of satisfaction or pleasure when you celebrate your small win. It adds up to create a pleasant habit that you keep up with better.
Make it colorful
Many neurodivergent people love color, and using color can remind us of what’s important. Color coding what’s important and then having different colors to show similar steps helps to organize smaller goals into easier, achievable tasks and is a visual reminder of the chunks we want to accomplish that day. A large, overwhelming list in black ink can be paralyzing, but a rainbow explosion of important tasks broken down by color can make it easier to see what’s a priority and what’s not. It’s much easier to look for a specific color to keep from getting lost in a long to-do list.
Some like the simplicity of common systems like red equals an important event or step. If a color is overwhelming or takes you back to school and a paper with a large, circled F on it, bleeding with red ink, don’t use it. Find your unique color system and implement it into your planning. Use colors you love and make it your own. Just remember to make yourself a key so you remember what’s what until it becomes second nature.
Set yourself up for success
One of the first things I learned as a dog trainer is that in order to help your dog learn, you need to set them up for success. This means giving them lots of ways to earn that delicious treat so that making the right decision is easier than making the wrong one. Eventually, the right decision becomes the easy one because of positive associations with it. The more we like the consequences of a particular behavior, the more we do it, which is a cornerstone in the theory of behaviorism.
While this is relatively straightforward in dogs, this is more complex in people when we have more motivations and paths for both reward and punishment to guide our behavior. This means that our solutions are often more complex than putting a lid on the trash can to prevent doggy dumpster diving. Just like scaffolding can help prop up a building in progress or provide workers safe places to work, scaffolding in neurodivergent spaces modifies our environment to suit our individual needs better.
I love how a clean home looks and smells, and the end result is very rewarding. Cleaning itself is something I associate with anxiety and physical pain from fibromyalgia. This conflict for me leads to more indecision because the ultimate end of a clean home seems so far away from the immediate misery of cleaning.
If you want to overcome task paralysis in everyday situations, you need to have an environment that sets you up for effortless organization. Take mental loads off where you can and let your environment guide you to better choices. It’s easier for me to keep my crafting stuff from taking over my entire house when there are cubbies in my living room where I can put my supplies. A trash can beside the couch keeps it from piling up on a side table. A coffee station complete with mugs, creamer, and a coffee machine near your desk is a better option if you get distracted on the way to the kitchen for a new cup. Keeping shoes and socks by the door helps some neurodivergent people and families keep track of whose shoes are where, and more importantly, where they should live. Small changes like this can help keep the mess at bay(ish), which leads to a cleaner home and more motivation to keep it up.
It doesn’t matter how silly or weird it is. If brushing your teeth is hard, borrow a page from KC Davis and keep pre-pasted toothbrushes by the bedside table or in your bag. Set everything up on auto pay. Buy pre-cut fruit and vegetables if that means you’ll actually eat them. Pay the ADHD tax and use paper plates and plasticware if it keeps you from creating new life on your dirty dishes that are stinking up the sink for the last six months. What matters is that the system makes sense to you. Modify your environment to suit your needs to make daily tasks easier to accomplish with less mental effort from you.
Look for wins
People with ADHD are often dopamine deficient, and finding ways to give ourselves small rewards along the way help to keep us motivated and on track. Dopamine and other feel-good chemicals in the brain help to motivate us to repeat behaviors, but our deficient brains are often looking for our next ‘fix’, and folding my laundry ain’t it. Finding ways to make large, difficult, or boring tasks feel good while we’re doing it helps to keep us on track and motivated. Sometimes, it’s as simple as crossing an item off of a written to-do list in your favorite color. For me, it’s the jingle of rainbow stones in my Finch app. Finding ways to celebrate each tiny step towards a large goal or task helps to keep us on track and heading towards our goals.
Positive reinforcement is an impressive tool. Telling myself that I did good by accomplishing a small task is more helpful than telling myself I’m a failure. Kindness is powerful, especially when it’s turned inward. Finding small wins and celebrating them helps me stay focused on what’s important while taking the time to acknowledge what’s hard and recognize what I’ve managed to do. This little mindset change has made a huge difference in my life.
Ask for help
For many, body doubling is a godsend for getting tasks done. Having a trusted friend or family member can help you get through a dreaded task faster and easier than trying to do it alone and getting overwhelmed at the very beginning. For those who can’t or won’t reach out to someone else because of shame, body doubling through videos, livestreams, or apps can help keep you motivated without having to explain your chaos to anyone else. Finding a community of like-minded neurodivergent people can also help make living and thriving with ADHD, Autism, or AuDHD easier and more enjoyable, too. There you will also find tips that have worked for others in the community, which can inspire you, and a crowd of people to cheer you on when you do something that seems impossible, no matter how small it is.
It seems simple, but it makes a big difference. Having someone working alongside you, whether they be in person or online, helps to keep us accountable and focused.
Living with ADHD is hard, but not impossible
Even though getting a diagnosis as an adult has its own set of challenges, it is a relief in many ways. I’m not an unmotivated, lazy monster. I am neurodivergent and I need different strategies in order to succeed. By working within my skill set and setting my environment up in a way to help me achieve my goals, I can find ways to accomplish goals in simple yet meaningful ways so that I can finally tackle the floordrobe that haunts my bedroom. I’m not just coping, but I have the means and methods to make sure I can thrive on my own terms. Neurodivergence is beautiful and a force for so much creativity, and making an environment by changing it to suit my needs, breaking down tasks into smaller pieces, and celebrating the small wins keeps me moving towards a life worth living.
What strategies do you use to help with your executive Dysfunction? Sound off in the comments below.
Amy Writes Things 