I knew I couldn’t do this alone.

I found myself lying on my parents’ couch staring at a globe near the fireplace in the deepest shut down I’ve ever experienced. Somehow I found the grit to make my way to them in the midst of the worst crisis I’ve ever been in. A small part deep inside of me knew I needed help, now. 

I don’t know how long I stayed there, staring and hugging a Squishmallow after my parents gently placed a blanket on me. I heard their voices from another room quietly discussing the situation, but I couldn’t move. My life was in shambles and I was adrift.

Eventually I fell asleep. My parents came to me later, plans in hand, made an appointment with a trusted psychiatrist, and with their help, I began taking steps towards healing and recovery. I couldn’t stay lost and hurting forever. I had to start the slow process of recovery and rebuild. You can, too.

In my last post, I covered the signs and symptoms of burnout. Once you recognize what’s going on, you need to take steps to recover from burnout, begin healing, and find ways to prevent it in the future.

First and foremost, give yourself time and permission to rest

Burnout is our body’s way of saying that what we’re doing is unsustainable. It was never possible, no matter how much we wanted it to be. 

We have to take a step back, no matter how long it takes, so we can return to what matters. This is easier said than done when there are daily obligations like parenting or even taking care of pets, but more than anything, take as much time as you can to rest.

Find help

Maybe it’s having others take up difficult chores, reduced hours or different duties at work, asking a spouse to take up more parenting duties, or seeking help from a doctor or therapist. Reach out and build support structures to help where you struggle. 

You may find yourself more sensitive to your environment than usual. Try different strategies if your usual coping methods aren’t working. Use earplugs or headphones to block out noise, wear comfortable clothing (fashion be damned), dim lights if they bug you, and find ways to make other tolerable-but-not-really irritations in your daily life easier to deal with. 

Find and connect with other neurodivergent people online and see how they manage their own challenges. Community building is difficult for autistic people, but having someone who really understands what you’re going through helps build resilience through shared stories and experiences.

Outsource some of your decision making to avoid decision paralysis. Gen AI can be really useful here. I use it to help me plan my day by telling it where I am emotionally, what I want to do, what I have to do, how much pain I’m in, and how many hours I think I can work before I collapse. I let it prioritize my list, break down complicated steps into something easier to handle, and celebrate when I cross anything off of my list. This keeps me moving forward and motivated.

If you have a trusted friend or family member who wants to step into this role, let them, but be aware that the demands you are putting on them may not be sustainable. You’ll need to find other ways to meet those needs over time.

Asking for help is morally neutral. 

It’s easy for high masking people in particular to feel ashamed because we can’t do what we’re supposed to. We did not ask to be neurodivergent, nor did we sign up for a world not built for us. We have to adapt, and asking for help is one of many adaptations.

Identify Stressors and reduce them where possible

I hear you: It sounds like a pipe dream when you’ve got other people or animals relying on you. Parents and other caregivers can’t stop when you’re depleted of everything, and for those in hourly positions, taking several weeks off is not feasible. Autistic/AuDHD people may not be as in tune with their bodies, but you need a name for what’s bothering you to formulate a plan for a sustainable life. Minimize what and where you can. 

Engage in stims, special interests, and activities that are enjoyable

At first, you may not be able to do much before you’re exhausted. Every little bit of pleasure or joy from a special interest helps to rejuvenate us. This is a vital step to your recovery.

High masking people may not be aware of what and how they stim after having them shamed out of us as children. One person I know likes to chew and the texture of mardi gras beads rolled between her palms, so she keeps a chew necklace and beads handy. I prefer spinner rings and fidget cubes, and re-discovered how much bouncing my leg or foot helps me concentrate and remain grounded. Get some fidget toys and experiment. 

Find time to fall back in love with activities and hobbies that rejuvenate you, even if they’re solitary. My broad special interest is arts and crafts, so I crochet both as a stim and because I like to make things.

Let go of shame

This is the hardest step of healing from burnout. Running face first into your limitations feels like a failure, but it’s not. 

It’s hard to let go of impossible expectations you’ve built for yourself. It takes time and a lot of self-compassion, but it is one of the most important things you can do. There is no shame in doing less if it keeps you from crashing out. Building a sustainable life, no matter what it looks like, is the only way to keep from falling into a cycle of burnout and temporary recovery

If you need extra help, finding a therapist who understands neurodivergence is a godsend. You can look for therapists who emphasize trauma-informed care, as well as those who cater to the LGBTQ community, since more of us are neurodivergent. 

Re-prioritize your life

Going back to the life that caused you to burn out in the first place isn’t sustainable. We don’t have the spoons our neurotypical peers have, and our finite energy needs to be divvied among our non-negotiable “musts” and special interests. 

Maybe it’s shifting to a part-time job, having a parent or friend take the kids once a week, taking the dogs to daycare, or carving out a portion of each day dedicated to you and your needs. It’s not selfish, it’s self-care and will sustain you while you deal with the stressors you can’t walk away from.

And lastly, don’t overcommit

Neurodivergent burnout is a vicious cycle, especially for those with low support needs. As soon as you feel better, it’s natural to want to go and catch up on all you’ve been neglecting, but overcommitting leads you back to a place where your body and mind refuse to work. This is harder for ADHD/AuDHDers due to a lightning bolt of inspiration and energy, but pacing ourselves (it’s hard, I know) is better than going until you can’t.

Recovery is possible, but life won’t be the same.

Neurodivergent people need different strategies to recover from burnout since it affects every part of our lives. We can’t define ourselves based on our neurotypical peers. Our path to success and happiness looks much different. 

Our talents and skills lie elsewhere: finding patterns, creative insights, keen observation, and poignant ways to connect with our loved ones. Life takes a lot out of us, and we need to realize that our sensitivity is not a failure. We simply need different accommodations in order to thrive. 

Energy levels fluctuate. Success is built on knowing our limits and not overextending ourselves. Burnout doesn’t mean you’re broken. The world is tailored for the allistic majority. Our needs are different, but not meaningless. You deserve rest, resilience, and joy on your own terms.

Looking for tools to help track your burnout symptoms and recovery process? I’ve created a free burnout tracker to help you better understand your symptoms, track daily progress, celebrate small wins, and give words for that big ball of emotion that keeps getting in the way.