In 2018, I wrote a very passionate article about the six honest reasons why I don’t want kids. It’s now 2021 and ✨surprise✨ I want to have a child.
Now before everyone I’ve ever spoken to shouts, ‘I told you so’ in my face, I want to make one thing clear – in 2018, I didn’t want children. It was the truth.
So what happened? It all started around October 2020 when I met my niece. I’d never been around a newborn baby before and I was dreading meeting her because I was terrified and a bit complacent. Babies had never excited me before and all I could think about were the ways it would inconvenience my life.
Well, when I say my entire world shifted in one afternoon, I’m not exaggerating.
I left my sister-in-law’s home after meeting a tiny three day old Maddie and I couldn’t stop thinking about having one of my own. James didn’t know what to do with me. We’d planned our lives around being childless and boujie, what was going on here!?
Now, lots of people might bang on about my age and how my ‘ovaries are bursting’, but it’s not that simple. It didn’t just sniff a baby’s head and decided to change my entire life plan. I find that sentiment so sexist, outdated and frankly, rude.
Anyway, here are a few, honest reasons, why I’ve changed my mind on having a child.
I won’t go into too much detail about my trauma and healing, but therapy has helped me discover who I am and what my strengths are. It’s also helped me become a more compassionate person who’s desperate to create and love this small human with everything I have.
I also didn’t have the greatest parental role models growing up, especially not a mother. Obviously this made me terrified of repeating the same mistakes. I’ve managed to unlearn many toxic behaviours and grow into someone I’d be proud to call a mum.
As I mentioned above, meeting my niece was the turning point.
To clarify, Maddie is my fiance’s niece. The only reason I bring that up is because it’s not a biological reaction. I have no idea how any of his family are coping, because my heart is on the verge of exploding every time I’m around her.
From the first moment I held her, I fell deeply in love with this small little squishy human that I honestly miss all the time.
What I want from life is different
This is also closely related to the whole therapy thing, but I never imagined wanting this life for myself.
Sometimes I look back over my life and am shocked at how annoyingly predictable it is. I went to school, did my A-Levels, went to uni, fell in love, got a job, bought a flat, got engaged, it sounds so boring but I love it.
I want the cliche. I want the wedding, the baby, the house. Everything.
I want to walk around Verulamium Park with my best friend, drinking iced lattes and pushing our children in their prams. It sounds exciting to me, it sounds perfect.
Just because I changed my mind, doesn’t mean I can’t change it back and it doesn’t mean I was wrong in the past.
We need to normalise changing our minds. I used to hate changing my mind because I thought it was weak. I judged people who did it as being hypocrites or weak-willed, but it’s normal because we’re all growing and learning.
And stop asking women if they want children. It’s rude, it can be traumatic for someone going through fertility issues and you’ll never know the whole story.